By Nerissa Hosein. My husband and I have known each other almost twenty years but married for ten. In my time, I’ve seen a lot of relationships crumbled around me, including my own parents’ marriage. In this day and age, marriage is under extra pressure with financial burdens, kids getting into more trouble than usual and technology being an added distraction. Who knows what makes a marriage successful? I know a few things I do to keep mine going down the right path.
If you can’t have fun together then it won’t work. If you’re not comfortable enough to make fun of each other, let sarcasm have some space in your marriage, then you’ll set yourself up for failure. You need to be able to laugh together through the tough times.
Be friends in your marriage
You don’t just need girls and guys outside your marriage to confide in, you need to have a friendship in your marriage. My husband is my best friend. I can trust him to confide in and I can bet that he will tell me the truth even if I don’t want to hear it.
Forget the romance novels
Marriage is not about romance. It’s not about the flower or the love letters. I’ve learned that. I used to grip all the time about my husband not writing me letters like he used to when we dated. But then I stopped looking at the things he didn’t do and started looking at the things he did do, like cover me when I fell asleep, making sure my car is always safe for me to drive, helping me clean the house or do the laundry and I started appreciating those things more.
Fight in your marriage
Yep no couple is perfect. Differences occur and a good disagreement is healthy. Holding onto anger and pain only leads to resentment in a relationship and those cracks lead to a distance that nothing can fix!! So have a good fight every now and then, talk it out, hear each other and learn from it. It makes the relationship stronger.
Respect your relationship
Don’t go out there and let everyone know your spouse’s flaws. Don’t tell people things out of anger about him. Have respect for the other person and deal with it inside the relationship. A marriage is about two people, not twenty.
Remember kids grow up
Kids are great and they are the glue to most relationships and that’s wonderful. But don’t let them be the only glue. A couple must have time for themselves and love spending time together. Eventually kids grow up and have their own lives so if you don’t put the time in the marriage all the time, you’ll end up alone married to a stranger.
I’m no expert. But ten years in our marriage, my husband and I have built a very strong safe place for each other. He is truly my rock in times of distress and my happy place when I need one. He’s my best friend and we still fight like warriors sometimes. But at the end of the day, we like each other for the person they are and that makes our love stronger.
June 2017 www.sweettntmagazine.com
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