Learn how to build strong relationships that are meaningful and fulfilling. Our guide offers practical advice on connecting with others and avoiding draining interactions.

The art of connection: How to build strong relationships and avoid energy-draining people

In our quest for personal and professional success, we often focus on developing skills, managing our time, and setting ambitious goals. However, we sometimes overlook the profound impact our relationships have on our energy, mental health, and overall ability to thrive. While supportive relationships can lift you up and propel you forward, a lack of boundaries can leave you vulnerable to “soul-sucking”, energy-draining people who consistently demand your time and resources without offering anything in return.

This article is your guide to navigating the complexities of modern relationships. It will provide actionable strategies to help you cultivate meaningful connections while protecting your valuable time and energy from those who would drain you.

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10 Techniques to build strong relationships and avoid energy drains

1. Prioritise your inner circle

Your energy is a finite resource, and where you invest it matters. Not all relationships are created equal, and it is crucial to understand the difference between acquaintances and those who form your core support system. To build a stronger social foundation, focus your time and attention on the people who genuinely uplift you, celebrate your successes, and offer support during difficult times. These are the individuals who make you feel seen, heard, and valued.

Intentionally schedule time for quality interactions with your family and close friends. This may mean having a weekly phone call with a sibling, a regular coffee with a trusted friend, or a dedicated date night with your partner. By prioritising these key relationships, you ensure that you are consistently refuelling your emotional and social batteries, which, in turn, strengthens your resilience against negativity and stress.

2. Establish clear and firm boundaries

A lack of boundaries is the main reason people feel drained and taken advantage of. It is difficult to maintain your own sense of purpose and direction when you are constantly being pulled in different directions by others’ needs and demands. Learning to set clear boundaries is not selfish; it is a vital act of self-preservation that allows you to protect your time and energy for your own goals.

Begin by identifying what your limits are. Are you comfortable with last-minute requests? Do you want to be available to answer work calls on weekends? Once you know your boundaries, communicate them clearly and respectfully. For instance, you can say, “I am unable to take on that task right now,” or “I cannot talk at this moment, but I can call you back at 3 p.m.” Being direct and consistent with your boundaries teaches people how to treat you and prevents resentment from building up over time.

3. Learn to say “no” gracefully

The fear of making enemies or disappointing people often prevents us from saying “no”. However, saying “yes” to every request can lead to burnout and a feeling of being used. A graceful “no” is an important tool in your arsenal for avoiding energy-draining interactions and cultivating stronger relationships based on mutual respect.

Practice saying no without giving a long, detailed explanation. A simple and honest refusal is often the most effective. Try phrases like, “Thank you for asking, but that’s not something I can commit to right now,” or “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I have other priorities at the moment.” This shows that you are considerate while also being firm about your limitations. People who respect you will understand and appreciate your honesty.

4. Cultivate active listening skills

Relationships thrive on mutual understanding, and active listening is a key component of building stronger connections. Many people listen only to respond, rather than to truly understand what the other person is saying. This leads to a superficial level of communication that leaves both parties feeling unheard and undervalued.

When you are in a conversation, put away your phone and give the other person your full attention. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, and summarise what you have heard to confirm your understanding. For example, “So, what I’m hearing is that you are feeling frustrated with your boss. Is that right?” This shows that you genuinely care about their feelings and builds a deeper bond of trust and intimacy.

5. Be present and engaged

In our fast-paced, distracted world, being fully present with someone is a rare and powerful gift. Whether you are with family, friends, or a significant other, being physically present is not enough; you must be mentally and emotionally present as well. When your mind is wandering or focused on your phone, you miss out on opportunities for genuine connection, and the other person can sense your disinterest.

Make a conscious effort to disconnect from your devices when you are with others. Put your phone away during meals and conversations, and resist the urge to check it every few minutes. By giving your full attention, you communicate that the person you are with is a priority. This simple act can transform your relationships from being functional to truly meaningful.

6. Give and receive with intent

Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of reciprocal giving and receiving. Soul-sucking people tend to only take, leaving you feeling depleted and resentful. To build stronger relationships, ensure that the flow of giving is balanced. This does not mean you should keep a rigid scorecard, but rather that you should be mindful of the effort and support you and the other person are putting in.

Look for opportunities to help and support your loved ones without expecting anything in return. Similarly, be gracious and willing to accept help when it is offered. If you notice that you are consistently the one giving and the other person is always taking, it may be a sign that the relationship is unbalanced and a drain on your energy.

7. Set aside time for shared experiences

Shared experiences are the glue that holds relationships together. They create lasting memories and provide common ground for conversation and laughter. As your life gets busier, it is easy to let these moments slip away in favour of more “productive” activities. However, neglecting shared experiences can lead to emotional distance and a feeling of disconnection.

Make it a point to regularly plan activities with your loved ones. This could be anything from a weekly family dinner to a monthly board game night with friends. These shared moments not only strengthen your bond but also provide a much-needed break from the pressures of work and daily life. They remind you of the joy and value of human connection.

8. Honour your commitments

Trust is the bedrock of all strong relationships, and it is built through consistency and reliability. When you make a commitment, whether it is to meet a friend for lunch or to help a family member with a task, it is essential that you follow through. Constantly cancelling or rescheduling plans sends a message that the other person is not a priority.

If you are someone who struggles with overcommitment, be more mindful of what you agree to. It is better to say “no” upfront than to say “yes” and then back out later. By consistently honouring your commitments, you build a reputation as a trustworthy and dependable person, which is a key trait of a good friend, colleague, and family member.

9. Recognise your value

Energy-draining people are often drawn to those who are compassionate and willing to help. They can sense a person who lacks strong boundaries and will exploit that to their advantage. To avoid being used, you must first recognise your own value and understand that your time and energy are precious resources that deserve protection.

Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to how much you do for others. You are valuable simply because you exist, and you have the right to set limits and prioritise your own needs. When you have a strong sense of self-worth, it becomes much easier to identify and disengage from relationships that are not serving your best interests.

10. Communicate with respect and clarity

Many interpersonal issues and misunderstandings arise from poor communication. Rather than letting resentment fester, address issues directly and with respect. For example, if you feel a colleague is draining your energy with frequent interruptions, you could say, “I value our discussions, but I need to focus on this project. Perhaps we can chat at 4 p.m.?”

This approach is not only professional but also prevents small issues from escalating into major conflicts. By being clear about your needs, you teach others how to communicate with you effectively and build a foundation of mutual understanding that strengthens the relationship over the long term.

Conclusion

Building strong, meaningful relationships is a lifelong journey that requires effort, self-awareness, and a commitment to protecting your own well-being. By prioritising your inner circle, setting firm boundaries, and mastering the art of saying “no”, you can ensure that your social life is a source of joy and strength, not a drain on your energy. Remember that you have the power to choose who you spend your time with and how you allow them to treat you. Start today by making small, intentional changes to your interactions. You deserve relationships that lift you up and help you become the best version of yourself.

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