The Inarticulate: A journey of self-healing through reflection and poetry

“A book captures a reader’s attention when they can relate to it; when it feeds their soul. A book is not only meant to look pretty and have pretty words inside of it but it is something special and personal to the reader as compassion grows when reading.” Shauntel Victor, the author of The Inarticulate, offers insights into her publication.

Showcasing a kaleidoscope of emotions

The Inarticulate targets an adult audience and is geared toward individuals who have been divorced, or in the process, separated, in a co-parental relationship, who has suffered from depression or postpartum, and those on a self-healing journey. It speaks to you, the reader if you can relate to any of these aspects.

It is not to slander anyone’s name but to showcase the kaleidoscope of emotions one can experience during these times; how one’s mind can play tricks on them, and encourage harsh thoughts, and how the 8 stages of Erikson’s Psychosocial Development can be manifested into adulthood on a deeper level.

Autonomy vs shame and doubt does not only occur at ages 18 months to 3 years, or industry vs inferiority at 3 to 5 years, and most definitely identity vs confusion, because it is ongoing. One can see the reoccurrence of these stages in life, not only based on their earlier stages and how they were parented, but also on how society has groomed one’s thinking into what is considered the “social norm”. This can have greater effects if one does not seemingly fit into this “norm”.

Whiskey Breath and Beauty The Inarticulate

Identifying with the stages in life through The Inarticulate

The Inarticulate can help one better identify with these stages through the emotions held at these times just as it did me. It also speaks of CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy coined by Aaron Beck in the 1960’s. If one looks closely, it shows how CBT in the form of journalling can outweigh some psychiatric disorders like depression, anxiety disorder, mental and health disorders, and personality disorders that can develop if left untreated.

In this book, one can see where dark thoughts evaded my mind creating shame and doubt, a sense of inferiority and most certainly, questions of my old and now new identity as it brought about confusion.

Whilst in the latter half of the book, my thoughts faded and created space for faith and healing to take place. If deep retrospection did not occur, these automatic and dichotomous thoughts could have spiralled as I began to overgeneralise every outcome, making unwarranted assumptions and my core beliefs played with.

The Punished Mother and Misunderstood from The Inarticulate

How journalling ironed out my thoughts

These automatic thoughts trigger one’s general perception of things, hence when reading The Inarticulate, one can see where my intrusive thoughts were ironed out because of constantly journalling and rationalising with myself.

Although I have a degree in Sociology with minors in Psychology and Criminology, one may think that I had an upper hand in identifying my dichotomous thinking. When faced with struggles or are in situations where one tends to get weak, it is often hard to identify off the bat that something is wrong or more so, the extremity of it.

I am a full-time single parent with a full-time job, and even though I am faced with difficulties, I have two younger ones who are dependent on me. For them, most days I have to be strong and controlled in most situations so that my difficulties do not become theirs.

In The Inarticulate, the poems on pages 33- “My Burden or His” and 6-7- “Depression” one can see where I became feeble, mentally and physically and this could have caused dramatic distress on my children.

From journalling to writing poetry

Hence, The Inarticulate started off as a journal, long, extensive thoughts on how I felt during my time separated and divorced, through having another baby, feeling frustrated then because of COVID-19, its effects, and other factors. I know I have experienced perineal and postpartum depression (depression before and after having a baby) and now co-parenting two beautiful children.

I then started writing my journal in the form of poems unconsciously. I started to get a bit creative with my words and used literary tools to describe how I felt. My intentions were never to publish it because I am always a private person, however, I became burdened and sat one evening and said, “Yes, I will publish my journal entries as a poetry book!” because of how it was now written.

How am I going to publish it? I was very, very unsure, as I knew nothing of that sort. I am not sure if it is even a good book or words for a book. What if I am rejected? How do I market? These were all question marks in my head.

When I read them over at that time, I thought to myself that this can help another person realise that they are spiralling, because they may feel this way, burdened in some aspect with whatever situation at hand. And it may help them see the positive use of “writing down” these feelings and reading them back at a later date.

It will make them aware of any intrusive thoughts and persuade them to reach out to someone for help or just to chat with, seek counselling or even create a space for peace to render rather than a war. Thus, I attended the “University of Google and Youtube” to gain insight on how to publish on Amazon KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing).

Encouragement from my mother and friends

My mother and three of my best friends were pivotal in the making of this book, as I told my mother and one girlfriend that I’m going to publish a book. My mother was happy, as this had been a thought of mine in my earlier years, but not as poems, a novel.

When I informed her of its contents she asked if this is something I really want to do and upon telling her, she encouraged me because she too saw it as a form of healing since I am so quiet, “too myself” and don’t share much of my emotions at large.

My friends also encouraged me when hearing, especially my girlfriend who now resides abroad, she was excited because she too knew I suffered silently and sometimes aloud, as I would vent to her and my other girlfriend.

I found solace there because I knew that even if they judged me a little, they would reason with me, be an active listening ear, give real unfiltered feedbacks, and pull me out of any dark corner if I was heading there. And this they absolutely did!

I have two really close male friends who also encouraged me, one, my school mate and a brother to me. He would usually give me words of advice and he would often shed light from a male perspective on the things I did not understand happening to me at the time.

My creative side opened up through social media

I also frequent social media and had stumbled upon a quote by an author, Barbara Gianquitto, “I am you”, and in that moment I realised that I am not alone in my thoughts as many others feel this way but from different viewpoints.

I began to identify with her, as she too is a single mother of two and divorced. She encouraged me to write my book, read my manuscript and gave critically helpful insight. I immediately felt like she held my hand in that moment bringing about a sense of clarity in why I should publish my book.

I have also been an avid follower on Instagram of Alix Klingenberg, who I also can identify with in different ways of being a bit “weird”, loving nature and her writing soothes me. After sending my manuscript for editing with AMNET, I have joined a writing programme on Facebook called “Falling Gently” with Alix Klingenberg and it has opened up my creative side much more and navigated my writing process.

I have also liked ThisLion CahTame, a local author on Instagram as well, who writes about love for feminine, energy connections with the universe-moon and the stars, and intuition or self-reflection, and some deep soul searching which I too can now identify with as I find myself engulfed in these aspects.

My son… my greatest support… my backbone

At the same time, my son was my greatest support as he would have been my backbone in pushing me toward the finish line. He, not knowing the contents of the book stuck with me and kept reminding me “to write something for the book”.

He was my motivator to work harder on this project, to overcome mentally and emotionally as this, in my opinion, was all I needed to move forward as I know becoming a better me is for their benefit.

In the future, I do look forward to writing another poetry book; other books and establish marketing strategies as I am a novice in this area.

I received positive reviews on Amazon and by word of mouth. However, one review by mouth indicated that I only spoke of my exes and they did not see the point.

Nonetheless, I do hope that my book can reach others on a wider spectrum and that the positives within this book will bring light and love to those who need it!